So this has been a subject of discussion many a times when the matter
of dating and marriage comes up with our dear Nigerian social group;
She makes way more money than her boyfriend or husband.
Now when I’m saying she makes more money, I’m talking significantly
more. Like $150k over $50k. A significant gap in financial power.
In many discussion one of the major issues that come up for both men
& women is the issue of respect. A sizable number of men, more
especially Nigerian men expressed concern that if their wife made more
money than them, she will not respect him, and will not “do wifey
duties”, and on the flipside some women have also said they might not
respect a man who makes significantly less than them for whatever reason
(unless he was in school). I guess for most of us, traditional things
are still in the back of our minds that even with more modern views it’s
a bit hard to shake off those traditional roles. It’s very interesting
measuring up the “respect” factor with insecurities that might exist in
that type of scenario.
Another issue that comes up is lifestyle and ambition. Is he making
less money simply because of his career average pay or is he just not
putting in the effort. Is the man just chilling with an easy life job
making the little he can while the woman puts in 70 hrs in at the
hospital? Is he doing domestic work to compensate? In a scenario like
that, it’s likely that after a while, one party will begin to feel like
they’re carrying the financial weight while the other is just chilling
and “chopping the money”. But then again what if the situation is
reversed? Is it as bad for a man to slave while the woman chills with a
easy lifestyle job that pays little while she does domestic work? A more
traditional role if you will.
Probably the biggest issue when this topic came up is future goals,
and how the money is handled. As a woman being the breadwinner of family
setting future financial goals for herself and the family fall
primarily on her shoulders. This is a position where a lot of men as
“head” of households find very difficult to handle. In many marriages,
both Nigerian & non-Nigerian, where the woman is the breadwinner,
the issue of how the money is allocated and future plans becomes an
issue of a huge conflict as egos, and rights jam heads constantly. One
person is the “head” of the household, but another brings in most of the
money, so naturally wahala go dey. You don’t need to look too far to
see these issues pop up in Nigerian households in the US.
All in all it almost seemed from conversations that most women, and
more especially men will not have this as an ideal scenario and in some
cases it’s almost a deal breaker.
But it’s 2012, and the likelihood of this happening is pretty high as
we have more and more ambitious women. More than a generation ago. So
now I ask: Men, would you have a problem with your wife making
significantly more money than you? Women, would you care if he makes
less?
Let’s hear it.
1 John 4:16-19 ESV So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. (17) By this is love perfected with us, so that we may have confidence for the day of judgment, because as he is so also are we in this world. (18) There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. (19) We love because he first loved us.
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